I need to… yet I can’t
It’s such a wonderful day for us moms. In our family, it always falls around my daughter’s and husband’s birthdays (they are a day apart in early May). Actually, everyone in my family has a May birthday except for me so if it wasn’t for Mother’s Day, I’d feel a bit left out of all the celebration.
This year was no different and amongst all the celebration, the kids and hubby made time to let me know I am still a favorite in their lives. They gave me cards and presents and helped me feel as loved as always. I made sure I celebrated all the other moms in the family with hugs, emails and text messages. We sent flowers to my mother in law (because she raised three wonderful boys and deserves them). My kids made a card to send to my mom and we Skyped with her on Mother’s Day and wished her the best. She dismissed it as she always does and told us not to make a big deal about it.
Planning for my blog entry last week was super easy. I had to decide whether I would do a special post or tie it into my weekly entry. There was no question that I would be celebrating my mom on my blog for sure. Yet Sunday came and went and I didn’t have time to write (too busy celebrating with my family). No worries, I told myself, I would do it on my usual weekly entry. Then the week came and went and I found myself too busy to write. Weird since I didn’t have a particularly busy week. It didn’t take me long to realize I was dragging my feet.
I dragged and dragged until today and here I am dragging again.
Why can’t I write about my mom? She was a wonderful mom and an incredible person. It should be easy to write a couple paragraphs. Yet I can’t.
When I was a kid, for years, I would always write my mom a letter for her birthday or special occasions telling her how wonderful she way and how lucky I was to have her as a mom. Even as an adult, I’ve written her many sappy letters. I even made her the topic of a college paper about who I admire most! Writing to celebrate her should be quite natural. Yet I can’t.
I thought this entry would be it but clearly it has turned into something else. (I think you are witnessing an example of ‘blog procrastination’!) When I put my fingers on the keyboard, I get sad and a wall comes up. My eyes get teary and I have to remember to breathe. So many mixed emotions… so much to say… so hard to say it…
I need to celebrate her. Yet I can’t.